I have a question for all the moms out there. Have you ever been riding down the road after dropping the kids off somewhere or leaving them with your husband at home, and notice after a good five or ten minutes that you have been rocking out to Elmo in the car all by yourself? Oh, you haven't? Maybe it's just me then.
My kids love to watch the dvd player in the car. We always have on Barney, Elmo, or some other (not annoying at all) DVD playing. My daughter has yet to master wearing the headphones for any length of time. She usually will wear them for about five minutes and then take them off and drop them in the floor. Then she will say, "Sound on please". She doesn't understand that she would be able to hear if she would just leave the stinking headphones on.
Since the kids don't wear the headphones with any consistency yet, I am often left to endure listening to the wonderful music they just can't seem to get enough of. As much as I hate to admit it, after a little while, I can't help but start bobbing my head a little. This is only really embarrassing when I am the only one in the car, and I have forgotten that I am finally on my own. Sometimes life is just so busy that when I finally have a little bit of a break, I
forget how to be a real person, not just a mom. Thank goodness no one else can hear what I have been listening to. I still feel embarrassed when I finally pay enough attention and realize what I am doing.
When I do find myself kid free (even if it is just for a trip to the store), I will immediately turn to a radio station, or I play a CD that I love. I get so much satisfaction out of those few minutes of alone time. Sometimes it is just so nice to be able to focus on no one but yourself. I love being a mom, but it is also nice to just be me once in a while (even if those times are few and far between).
This week has been insanely busy. On top of my daughter's many therapies and activities, I have decided to join some advisory councils. Yes, I said councils, plural. You think that I am crazy, right? There is a method to my madness. I don't think that I'm crazy, I'm just really invested in my kids.
I have joined the interagency coordinating council in our county. It has representatives from Child Find, Early Intervention, DSS, Smart Start, the Arc, etc. I think that this will be a perfect place for me to be able to network with the people who have the power to make decisions that affect my children. Since I have a child in Child Find and another in Early Intervention, it's kind of like they get a two for one deal by having me as a parent representative on the council.
I have also joined the Advisory council for the special needs preschool in our area. My daughter does not attend this particular school, but her resource teacher is based there. They wanted someone who could speak to the needs of the children who are being resourced. My reason for joining this council is so that I can gain as much information as possible over the next school year. When the time comes for me to make decisions regarding my daughter's elementary school placement and benefits, I hope to be as knowledgeable as possible. I also figure that it won't hurt to try to get on the good side of those who will be in those decision making meetings.
Hopefully I am not spreading myself too thin. I do have someone to help out with the kids during these meetings, so I don't have to drag them along kicking and screaming. I don't really think that I am crazy for having a schedule as jam packed as mine. I am just looking for every opportunity I can to help my daughter (and eventually, my son) be able to succeed in the school system.
When my daughter was around eighteen months old, I started noticing that she wasn't talking, she often avoided my gaze, and she rarely acknowledged the presence of anyone else in the room with her. Since we were fairly new to our community, and we didn't have many friends or family seeing our daughter on a regular basis, our friends and relatives we talked to on the phone often downplayed our concerns. I frequently heard, "you are a PICU nurse, you are just used to looking for something to be wrong", or "This is your first child, she will talk in her own time". As a mother, this was surely what I wanted to hear. I wanted others to tell me that I was crazy, and of course that my daughter was fine.
Even though my little girl didn't meet her milestones at her 12 month and 18 month doctor's visits, the doctors assured me that all kids develop at a different pace, and that we should wait until the next visit to see how she was progressing. I know now, that early intervention is key. I feel like kicking myself for not pushing the issue with her doctors, but once again, I wanted them to tell me that everything was fine.
It wasn't until my best friend and her family were visiting that I came to the realization that something was truly wrong. My friend has three children. At the time their ages were 12, 5, and 18 months. Her little girl was just about six months younger than my daughter. While they were visiting, it was very apparent that my daughter was delayed. My friend's little girl was following two and three step directions. She would look at you and answer immediately when she was asked a question. She was basically running developmental circles around my daughter. When my friend's family was interacting with my daughter, she rarely looked at anyone when they spoke to her. She didn't respond to questions, and she surely didn't follow directions, one step or otherwise. She had quite a few meltdowns while they were visiting. She wasn't used to having that many people around, and she didn't know how to cope with being so overwhelmed.
One night, after a particularly trying day, I put my daughter to bed and I sat down on the couch with my friend and started crying. It was so apparent that something was wrong with my daughter. She was just so delayed compared to my friend's daughter. My friend sat with me and affirmed that she also recognized that something was not right. I can only imagine how hard this was for her to say to me. It takes a true friend to sit down with you and be totally honest in such a uncomfortable situation. I could have been angry with her, I could have stopped talking to her, but she cared enough to say what needed to be said. I love her dearly, and through both of our personal trials, we have only gotten closer. It is rare to have someone who you know, without a doubt, will be there for you no matter what.
I will be eternally grateful to her for being so honest and for caring enough
about me and my daughter that she would tell me the truth instead of
telling me what I wanted to hear. I am very blessed to have her in my life.
After that visit, I started to get ball rolling. I sought help from people at work (the hospital) who had experience with developmental delays, and I started looking into the Early Intervention Program through the county. When her two year old appointment came up, I did not ask what the doctor thought, I went into the appointment and I insisted that we see a developmental pediatrician. My friend's family came to visit at Thanksgiving. By December, my daughter was receiving OT and ST. By the next March, she had officially been diagnosed with Autism.
If we hadn't pushed to get her services, who knows how long it would have taken for the doctors to recognize that there was need for them. If my friend hadn't been so honest, who knows how long it would have been before I acknowledged that my daughter was delayed. Even though hearing that something was wrong, and finally receiving the autism diagnosis was probably the most challenging time in my life, I learned some things through dealing with it. One, I am very blessed to have such a wonderful friend and support system. Two, I am stronger than I realized. I never thought that I would be able to deal with a special needs child, but God continues to daily give me patience and gradually he is helping me to accept this diagnosis. Three, I realized that I have to be my child's advocate. A mother always knows when something is not quite right. In nursing, I would often get a gut feeling that often turned out to be spot on. As a mother, I had that gut feeling, but I second guessed myself constantly when others told me that everything was fine. Now, if I feel that something is not right, I push the doctors, teachers, and therapists until whatever is going on is recognized.
I am a stronger woman because of this experience. I think that I was supposed to have a child with autism. I don't think that it was a mistake. God gave her to me to make me a better person, and I couldn't love her more.
So I took my little guy to the Audiologist to get his hearing checked. We didn't really suspect hearing loss, but when your baby isn't babbling, they usually rule it out.
Well, my baby that doesn't babble started babbling up a storm the minute we got into the office. He was loud and making all kinds of sounds (ga, ba, da). He was babbling so much that the woman behind the desk actually peeked her head around the corner and asked why I wanted him evaluated. I said, "It's because he doesn't babble. Can't you tell?" (as he continued to babble away).
About a month ago, all he was saying was Aahh. In no time at all though, he has really found his voice. He seems to be babbling more each day. This of course is music to my ears. We are still continuing speech therapy for the time being. I want him to continue to progress until he is talking age appropriately before we stop. Maybe the speech therapy was just the little push he needed to be encouraged to talk.
By the way, he passed his hearing test with flying colors!
We often assume that our children will do things in their own time. But, after you've had a child diagnosed with autism, you tend to watch each child's development like a hawk. Hopefully
he will continue to develop his communication skills, and by the time
we visit the developmental pediatrician again, my boy will be meeting
his milestones.
But, in this moment, I am just thankful that he is starting to learn to communicate with us vocally.
When
my daughter was diagnosed with autism, I felt completely blindsided. I was
prepared for all kinds of other issues, and even though autism affects
so many kids, I had never really thought of it as a possibility with my
own child.
I
knew that I could have a child and there could be an accident at any
time. I saw things like that all to often working in the Pediatric ICU. I also didn't count out the fact that I could have a child with a heart issue or who developed cancer. I saw those things often as well. Even with the multitude of different diagnoses that I saw each day, I
never even considered autism as a potential issue.
I vividly remember a day, not long after my daughter had been diagnosed, that I was working in the Neonatal ICU. I was in a back room (thank goodness), and I was feeding and rocking a baby that had down's syndrome. I remember just looking at the baby with tears streaming down my face, thinking, "People will always know that something is different about you". I never thought that I would feel jealous over the fact that my child only had a developmental delay instead of having a physical problem. I was sad that my child would always be looked at as a brat, not a child with a disability. When others observe my child, they just look at her like she is weird or at me like I am a bad parent. No one ever thinks, "that child must have a developmental disorder". If she had some type of physical deformity as well, others would probably think differently about her.
A child with a physical deformity often receives more understanding from the general public. A child with autism usually gets dirty looks due to their "bad" behavior. My husband tends to get somewhat embarrassed when my daughter throws a fit in public. Since she looks normal, we as parents tend to try to prevent her from acting up, or we feel that we have to explain our child's diagnosis to random bystanders. It is as if when the strangers understand that something really is different, then we will not look like slacker parents, and our daughter will not look like a brat.
Sometimes though, I don't feel like explaining anything to anyone. I feel like I should be able to go out and not have to worry about the opinions and rude looks given to us by others. I have seen these shirts that you can get for your child to wear that say, "I'm not misbehaving, I have autism". I think that it is great for others to recognize that something is different, but this also can call unnecessary attention to the child.
It is my hope that one day people will be more accepting. If more education is given to the general public, I believe that society as a whole will rally around these children. But, if I as a medical professional didn't really know the first thing about autism, how in the world will the rest of society ever learn enough to be able to accept the one in eighty-eight babies that are born who will eventually be diagnosed with autism?
Even though my daughter tends to have a short fuse when it comes to my son, I know she loves her little brother.
The first time I realized that she really cared about him was when we were visiting my parents. The kids and I had ran an errand in town, and we had just arrived back at Mimi and Granddaddy's house. I decided that since I was alone I would take my four year old inside the house first. Previously I had either been with someone else who could help with both kids, or I had been in the garage with the door shut so my daughter couldn't escape while I was tending to my son. Well, my daughter and I got to the front door, and as I unlocked it and began to set the bags that I had been carrying down, my daughter said my son's name loudly. She was telling me that I better not forget her brother. This was a huge step considering that up until this incident, she had either ignored or fussed about her brother. I thanked her for telling me to get him, and I promptly went back to the car and brought him inside.
She looks out for her brother in her own little way. If he is getting into something, is trying to climb the stairs, or is touching something she thinks that he shouldn't be, she says loudly, "I need help please". She makes sure that I am aware anytime he is doing anything the least bit naughty. This is really big for her, because it means that she is actually starting to pay attention to someone other than herself. Kids with autism are often very ego-centric, it is hard for them to think about anyone except themselves or anything that doesn't effect them individually. The fact that she pays any attention to him at all is amazing. Lately, she has even started to physically put her arms around his waist to pick him up when she thinks that he is doing something he shouldn't.
My son
definitely loves his big sister. I will never forget his serious expression whenever
we spun her around or played with her by turning her upside down (this type of play helps with sensory issues). He
was about five months old at the time. He would just watch us stone faced. It was
like he was thinking, "You better not drop my sister". He always wants
to be near her and is interested in whatever she is doing or playing with.
He smiles at her whenever he sees her. Often times, she wants nothing to do with him, and heaven forbid he touch her toys, but he is evermore the persistent child. If she would just let him into
her little world, they could have so much fun together.
It
is remarkable that they can care for one another the way that they do.
It is almost as if it was ingrained in them from birth that you need to take care
of your sibling no matter what. Hopefully as they both get older, they will be able to play together more. If his language comes along, as I pray it will, maybe hers will improve as well. Hopefully, over the years, they will be able to enrich each others lives in ways that no one else, other than a sibling, could.
My son has been getting speech therapy for the past month. As you can probably imagine, I am pretty concerned about him having any sort of delay.
Whenever I tell someone that he is getting speech therapy, they ask, "How on earth can they already tell if there is a speech delay, he's not even a year old?" People sometimes say things like, "I am sure he will be fine"," You are just looking for something to be wrong", or "He's a boy. Boys talk later than girls". Well, I pray that all of these things are true, but I know that it won't help anything if I just stick my head in the sand and ignore reality. If he does have autism, early intervention is key. The earlier we can start therapies, the better chance he has at overcoming any developmental obstacles he is facing. At ten months he wasn't saying anything but "Aaaah". Not ma-ma, da-da,
ga-ga, ba-ba, etc. They identify that as a communication delay, so we started speech therapy.
We are trying to be optimistic. But even though we hope for the best, we try to prepare ourselves for the worst. Research has shown that siblings of children with autism tend to have speech delays. With my son, it probably has to do with the fact that my daughter will scream at him or throw a tantrum when he starts babbling. I don't know if it just gets on her nerves or what the exact problem is, but I can't seem to stop her from fussing when he makes vocalizations. In ABA therapy we sometimes bring my son into the sessions so we can try to identify ways that we can get them to play together more, and her tolerance for his babbling and his constant attempts to get into her space will get better.
I do recognize that my children are very different from one another. My son does things that I don't remember my daughter doing. He laughs easily, he cries when people leave the room, and he dances to music. It took a lot to make my daughter laugh, she could have cared less whether anyone else was in the room or not, and I never remember her bouncing up and down to music. Socially, my son is very age appropriate. He smiles, laughs and cries when he wants your attention. All good things.
I pray that my son doesn't have autism. In no way does this mean that I don't love my daughter for the amazing person she is. She is so smart. She is only four and can read and count to who knows how high, but I know her life would be so much easier if she was "normal". It is so sad when she doesn't play with or even pay attention to her little brother. It hurts my heart when she completely ignores other kids and then they look at her funny; when she goes somewhere like dance class and starts running around singing songs instead of sitting down like the other little girls, I hate it when I see other mothers start to whisper about her. I accept her totally for the person she is, but I know that she has a very hard road ahead of her.
My son is already making progress with his babbling. I am hoping that he is just a little delayed, but in the back of my mind I will always be wondering if he could be on the spectrum also.
We thought about that possibility when we decided to have another child. Since they don't know what causes autism, it could be genetic. We really struggled with the decision to have another baby. We finally decided that God had given my daughter to us for a reason, and if he decided to bless us with another child, no matter what, that is what we would view it as, a blessing.
I am a better person for having been given the opportunity to raise her. I am much more patient, much less hot headed, and I don't worry over the little things that I have no control over. I have learned to accept that God is in control and not me. For a somewhat controlling person, this has not been easy. I like having a plan. I like knowing what is coming up next. He has no doubt shown me that my insistence on always having to have a plan was ludicrous. I have no real control over anything. I just have to take each situation as it comes, and adapt as best I can to whatever is placed in my path.
Since my daughter was diagnosed, I have found that I can make all the plans in the world, but I still have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I try my best to take life day by day and to enjoy the little victories instead of waiting for something really big to rejoice in. I have to be happy where I am. Who knows where I will be tomorrow?
So last week my husband asked me, "How are you going to keep that blog thing going? Won't you eventually stop having anything to write about?" I told him that with our kids, I would always have something random happening that I could put in my blog. Well this week, my little lady did not disappoint.
So, my daughter was in the den on her Ipad. This is not unusual for her as it is one of her favorite things to do. I was in the study doing something on the computer. After a few minutes, my daughter came into the study and started grabbing at my arm. This, however, was very unusual. My little electronic genius is normally so engulfed in her Ipad that she doesn't bother me for a while. I take those opportunities to get my mommy stuff done. You know, cleaning up the room for the millionth time each day, working on the computer, etc. Besides, she normally just says what she wants from wherever she is sitting. Not to often does she physically get up and come get me for something.
As I started to ask her what she needs, I turned away from the computer and I immediately smelled smoke. I ran into the den and I saw that the entire kitchen was full of smoke. My first thought was not that I had to get everyone out of the house and to safety, it was that I had to put out whatever is on fire and get the smoke out of here before it sets off the fire alarm and wakes up my son. Not the most rational thing to have thought, I realize now, but after having waited all afternoon for him to finally take a nap, I can tell you that I feel validated in having had those thoughts.
When I got into the kitchen, I saw that a chair had been pulled up to the counter, and the microwave door was open with a very crispy black eggo inside. The only reason that I knew it was an eggo was because the opened box was still on the counter and the freezer door was still open. I don't know whether the eggo had actually been on fire, or it had just been smoking, but I do know that every time I turn on the microwave now, it makes my kitchen smell like smoke again.
When I told the therapists what had happened, they asked me what I said to her. To be honest, I was so shocked that I probably didn't say much of anything. After I finally regained my composure, I told her that she needs to get mommy when she wants to use the microwave. I do wonder if she understands the danger though. Who knows if she will come and get me next time? My husband asked if we should just teach her which buttons to push on the microwave so she knows how to use it properly. I think that she could more that likely learn how to work the microwave, but something just doesn't feel right about teaching a four year old how to use a cooking appliance. For now, we are putting that one on hold.
You never know what is going to happen in my house day to day. My daughter had never tried to use the microwave before, so I had no reason to think that she would that day. It just proves the point that you can't trust a four year old who is quick and quiet. Now I realize that I need to keep my eyes on her at all times (if that is possible when you have more than one kid). I will try to do my best. But just to be safe, I have made sure that we know where the fire extinguisher is in case she ever tries to imitate Julia Child again.
I
feel like I am entering into uncharted territory. With all of my
daughter's therapies, I have always felt that our life has been fairly busy.
But I am afraid that until now, we "ain't seen nothing yet".
I am not ashamed to admit that I am a homebody. I have always said that if I could stay within the four walls of my home for days at a time, I would be perfectly happy. Once again, God has shown me that he has other plans for my life. I have definitely had to adapt to the fact that His plan is turning out to be very different that mine.
Our new schedule, or to be more exact, my daughter's new schedule, is crazy! This has been the first week of five mornings of preschool. We have also started dance therapy and we continue horse therapy. ABA each day and private Speech Therapy once a week continue as well. In the next few weeks, we will add a social skills group at preschool and additional Speech Therapy within the school system.
Every day is filled with my chauffeuring her to and from her numerous activities. Thank goodness that I have a "Mom's" calender that I can keep up with everything. It has a daily column for each family member. I start each morning looking to see what that day's activities are. My mother has already bought me one for next year that I plan to start filling up as soon as I get it this weekend. If I didn't have this calendar, I could never keep up with all of the things that our family has scheduled.
Prior to this week, I had some anxiety over whether we were scheduling too many things for my daughter. So far though, she seems to love everything she is doing. She has had less tantrums and fewer potty accidents this week. Being busy seems to suit her. She is definitely more like my husband in this regard. He always has to be doing something. Whether he is fiddling in the garage, or taking care of the yard, he always has to fill any downtime with things to keep him busy. The only time he sits down is in the evening after the kids have gone to bed. I, on the other hand, am not like this. If I get a chance to rest, I take full advantage of it. One of the best gifts that I have ever gotten was a nap for my birthday. My husband took the kids out of the house and I was able to nap for three glorious hours. It was wonderful. My husband swears by ten minute power naps. These do nothing but make me more tired.
I feel very blessed that my daughter is adapting to her new schedule so well. Lots of kids with autism have major issues with transitions. She has taken it all in stride this week.
Who knows? This may be the calm before the storm. Next week may be horrible. When all heck breaks loose, like I am sure it eventually will, I will have plenty of time to worry about it then. But for now, I am just going to appreciate the fact that everyone seems happy and content for the moment.
This week we start preschool again. I am so excited for it to start because my little girl loves it, but I am also nervous. It will be five mornings a week, and two of those days she will be in preschool without her therapist by her side.
Last year, she went to preschool twice a week, and her ABA therapist went with her. She did really well, but still had some issues communicating. This year she will have some days each week where she will be in class on her own. The teachers at this preschool are wonderful, but I am concerned that without the therapists there to assist in her communication and socialization, she will just play by herself in a corner instead of interacting with the other kids. And since her academics are pretty advanced (thank the Lord), the main purpose of preschool is to get her to interact with "normal" peers. Hopefully she will be able to find some little friends in her class this year.
Within a few weeks of starting school this past year, the teachers and therapists noticed that my daughter and another little girl seemed to gravitate to each other. No one pushed them together, they just sort of found each other. The amazing thing was that the other little girl was on the spectrum also. Neither one of them were outstanding in the social skills arena, so it was great that my daughter could find a friend on her own. It was also nice for me to have coffee with the little girl's mother frequently throughout the school year. It is so rare that I can sit down and talk with another mother who truly gets it. Someone who understands what I mean when I say it has been a "rough morning". Most kids with autism are boys, so it was wonderful to find someone I could relate to. Unfortunately, that little friend and her family have moved across the country, so we get to start all over again this fall.
As kids get older, they become more aware of the differences between the "normal" and "not completely normal" kids in class. When my daughter scripts (says an entire tv episode to herself), doesn't look at them when they talk to her, or wanders off from the group, the other kids will no doubt notice it this year. I pray that they will be kind. Hopefully she will not face any mean girls or rude boys this year. My daughter probably won't even notice if other kids are being mean to her, but if I hear or see it, I will be crushed. When I drop her off at preschool each morning, all I can do is pray that she will find her own way to succeed and hopefully thrive.
We have been at the beach this past week. Although the trip has been wonderful and the beach is one of my favorite places in the world, there are some things that make traveling with a child with autism difficult.
One morning, early in the week, we were in the family room of the beach house. I was changing my son's diaper, my husband was straightening up the kitchen, and our daughter was playing on her Ipad. I looked up to put some "eyes on my daughter". I do this very frequently each day to ensure that I know where she is at all times. But this time, when I was finished changing my son's diaper, I looked up, and she was no where to be seen.
My husband and I started to look for her on each floor of the house, but we couldn't find her anywhere. Since the majority of the time she doesn't answer when we call, we couldn't just say her name and wait for her to respond. When I finally reached the ground floor, I saw that the back door by the pool was open. She must have unlocked it and gone out by herself. My heart stopped. I ran out and looked in the pool area, but she wasn't there. I then saw that the side gate was open. I ran out into the yard, and after looking out towards the beach and then frantically calling her name (even though I knew she wouldn't answer) I saw her walking toward the driveway at the front of the house.
When you have a child that is quick, quiet, and has autism, it is extremely difficult to vacation. She just doesn't understand that it is unsafe to unlock the door and leave the house. At home we have special locks, but when we are elsewhere, we have to be extra vigilant.
For those who think that we were probably just not paying attention, you are incorrect. She was there and then she was gone within thirty seconds or less. Since she is very quiet and makes very little noise when she moves, nothing made us even think that she would be attempting to leave. I try to be extra aware of her at all times. Even though we do our best to stay on top of things twenty-four seven, sometimes things just happen. I thank the Lord that we were able to find her quickly. And yes, we did end up driving thirty miles and visiting multiple stores to find childproof door locks for the beach house.
We
continue to have sleeping issues. My daughter woke up at four o'clock
in the morning while we were on vacation and of course she didn't go
back to sleep until that night. No naps were taken, even though I tried. Since we were not
at home, and I felt that she would leave her room, and possibly the
house since we had not gotten the door locks yet, I had to get up with her for the day. I just knew that after she had been swimming in the pool
practically all day, that she would sleep at least through the night if
not late the next morning. I should never assume that she will act like I
expect her to. She so rarely does.
On a side note, the
weighted blanket and her sleep medicine made no difference in her
sleeping while on our trip. We will see if the blanket works better when we get home before we totally rule it out
I pray that one day our vacations can be more relaxing. Until then, we will still continue to take vacations just like any other family. Though we have to make some extra provisions, such as getting an extra room so she will be able to sleep by herself (we tried sharing a room with her a few years ago, and my husband and I ended up on air mattresses in the living room), and making sure that one of us has our eyes on her at all times, it is still worthwhile to go on trips as a family. I want her and my son to have the best and most "normal" childhood we can give them. Even if that means that my husband and I need another vacation to recover from our vacation.
I just want to give a little disclaimer. I do not plan to use this blog to plug lots of baby merchandise, but I have to tell you about my awesome new stroller.
So, we used a generic travel system stroller for my daughter and for the first seven months of my son's life. It was fine. I got us from point A to point B with no issues. It was rather bulky, but I assumed that all strollers that were not of the umbrella variety were. Not true. After going to a craft fair where I had to walk around the town all day with one of my neighbors who was pushing her daughter in a City Mini by Baby Jogger, I decided it was a must have. It is so unbelievably easy to fold up and carry. Most strollers say that they can be folded using only one hand, but this one really can be. When I saw my neighbor pick up the stroller and carry it like it was as light as a feather, I had to try it myself. When I had no issues with it's ease of folding or it's weight, I was determined to order one.
The price was kind of in the middle . It wasn't the cheapest, but it was far from the most expensive.
This is probably not the stroller for the super-fit runner. But for those people like me, who jog once in a while, but mostly just walk the neighborhood, I would say that this is the perfect stroller.
Sorry for the plug, but when you find an item that you feel you can't live without, you have to tell people about it!
Baby Jogger City Mini GT Stroller - Black/Shadow (Google Affiliate Ad)
Baby Jogger City Mini GT Double Stroller (Google Affiliate Ad)
I love having a boy. But, when I found out that my second baby was going to be a boy, I hate to admit that I was less than thrilled. I knew how to be a girl mom. I was comfortable with the dresses and bows. I loved all the pink and princess stuff. I had just always thought of myself as a mom of girls.
Even during my pregnancy, I struggled to get excited about little boy baby things. They just weren't as adorable as the little girl baby things. In the baby stores, I would be shopping for boy clothes, but my eye would always get drawn to the baby girl section. I felt pretty guilty. I really wanted to be excited for my boy, but felt that I was forcing it.
Well, I have to say that my doubts and fears about being a boy mom were completely unwarranted.
As soon as I had him, I was in love. He is precious. Boys are so cuddly. His little smile just melts my heart. I also realize that I must be careful because when he sticks his little lip out and cries, my first instinct is to give in to whatever he may want. Of course, I don't, but I want to.
Boys are so easy. I just throw a shirt and some shorts on him and we are good to go. I don't have to worry about matching hair bows or tights. I don't have to fiddle with monogrammed bloomers under dresses (adorable, right?!?). It is just so simple.
I still get to enjoy all of the girly things with my daughter. But for my second child, having a boy was perfect. I recognize now that God probably realized that I had enough on my plate with my daughter's autism, and I just didn't have the time for accessorizing with another girl. Once again, God new what he was doing even though I wasn't so sure. Funny how that happens so often.
