Another day, another dilemma

So, I know that I haven't blogged in a while.  A lot of things have been going on in my busy life.  We have recently gotten our daughter reevaluated to determine eligibility for special education services when she begins kindergarten next year.  This evaluation consists of numerous observations and standardized testing scenarios.  This has made our already hectic schedule even more hectic than usual.  

Her recent eligibility meeting determined that she does fall under the Autism label within the school system.  Previously she was under the label of Developmental Delay.  I am extremely concerned about the change of labels.  Those within the school system have told me that labels do not determine placement.  I will believe it when I see it.  The area we live in doesn't seem to offer much when it comes to full inclusion in schools.  What usually happens is that the kids with Autism spend sometime in a regular classroom, but a good part of their day is spent in a self contained autism classroom.  I have made it known that this is not an appropriate placement for my child.  With minor assistance, I am sure that she will be able to function in a regular kindergarten classroom with minimal pull out.  Hopefully we will be able to rock the boat and get my little girl the "Free and Appropriate Education" that she is entitled to by law.  

At this point though, she is doing really well.  She is talking and commenting more, and has even developed somewhat of a sense of humor.  She has started to say things that are kind of off the wall and then laugh.  The other day, I asked her what her teddy bear's name was and she replied, "Ellie", and then she killed herself laughing like it was the funniest thing she had ever heard.  I am thrilled that she is able to start to find the humor in life.  Do you know how hard it is to teach someone to have a sense of humor?!?  It is nearly impossible to explain why something is funny, and by the time you have explained it, it really isn't that funny anymore.  

I have also been quite concerned about my son.  He is almost 15 months now and is still quite delayed with his speech.  He is getting speech therapy once a week and is making progress.  But when you have one child on the Autism Spectrum, you tend to over analyze and worry about anything that your second child does that could be seen as odd.   Especially when your second child is a boy and Autism is so much more prevelent in boys.

My son is in a sibling study at a major autism research center.  He will be evaluated every four months for the next year, and then he will be seen once or twice a year after that.  They look at every aspect of his development.  When I recently took him to his 14 month visit, I was very concerned.  They did confirm that he has a significant speech delay.  When I asked them point blank if they thought we should go ahead and pursue ABA therapy for him, the evaluator said,"Not at all."  She sees many children on the spectrum and she did not think that he fell into the category of autism.  It's amazing how relieved I felt.  I didn't even realize how worried I had been.  I think that my worry is what has kept me from blogging for such a long while.  I just couldn't write about what was going on while everything was still so up in the air.  I guess in my mind,  if I wrote about it, then it might have come true.   

I am well aware that we are not completely out of the woods with my son.  Until he starts really talking and engaging with other children, I probably won't be able to fully relax.  But in the meantime, I am going to try to take it day by day and focus on all of our many blessings.  As recent national events have shown, you never know how long you have with your children.  I intend to try my hardest to make their lives as full of joy as I possibly can.  This may mean more time playing and less time cooking or cleaning.  (Not that I have ever really been Suzie homemaker or Betty Crocker.)  I just think that they will benefit more by my being emotionally present in their lives than if I was merely physically present with a really clean house and a huge meal on the table everyday.

 

My Little Patriot

It's amazing how oblivious you can be to what your kids really know.  The other day, I was coming home from an appointment with my son.  I pulled up and saw my daughter in the yard carrying around one of those little Lowe's flags that you can use to mark where your irrigation system is located.  I just thought that she was playing with the flag and waving it around.  When I got out of the car, my babysitter proceeds to inform me that my daughter had just said the Pledge of Allegiance to the Lowe's Home Improvement flag.  I didn't even know that she knew the Pledge.  Later that day, I asked her to say it again, and there she stood with her hand over her heart and recited the entire pledge.  My child that doesn't really talk and is socially inappropriate knew exactly what she was supposed to say and do when she saw a flag.  I find that astonishing.

It goes to show that you never know what your child is  picking up on, or what they already know.  I think that my daughter has a huge amount of information stored up there in her little brain. Little by little, she is conveying it to us.  

This little experience makes me realize that I have to be acutely aware of my daily actions.  She is watching what I say and do, and although I may not really think that she is paying attention to me, she is taking in much more than I realize.  

Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover

My daughter has horse therapy each week.  I recently had to call the director and speak with her about a few concerns I had.  My daughter was enjoying riding but she would kind of shut down after each session.  It would take a good thirty minutes or so for her to start talking to and making eye contact with me again.  The volunteers that were helping her would ask her to say or do something during the session, and when she would ignore them, they would just keep walking beside her horse and let it go.  If you know my daughter, you know that she will test you to see how much she can get away with.  If she doesn't have to talk, she won't.  If you cater to her, she will take full advantage.  Not that I blame her.  If people catered to me all day, I would probably sit back and let them also. 

When we arrived at horse therapy yesterday, they had placed a younger volunteer with her.  I am sure she was probably in college, but she looked like she could have been in high school.  I thought to myself,  here we go again.  Surely, this young girl wouldn't have any clue how to deal with my daughter with autism.  

Well, I am happy to admit that I was completely wrong.  This girl had my daughter saying and doing things on the horse that none of the other volunteers had been able to.  She was kind to my little girl, but she insisted that when she asked a question that my daughter answered.  They were a perfect match.  After the session, my daughter was more engaged with me.  She made great eye contact and answered when I asked her about the lesson.  This is a huge improvement from the previous sessions.  

Even though I have spoken previously about not judging others, I realize that I am sometimes guilty of doing just that.  This little experience has opened my eyes to the fact that if I expect others to be less judgmental, then I need to hold myself to those same standards.  I will do my best to be less skeptical regarding the people who work with my daughter.  Maybe one of these days I will listen to my own advice and  not "judge a book by it's cover".